Inclusive Pronouns: How to Speak Respectfully and Naturally

The list of inclusive pronouns below compares five common sets, their general use and a natural example. The table includes familiar forms and one neopronoun set so you can see how each pattern works.

Inclusive pronouns work best when you follow the forms a person shares instead of drawing conclusions from a label.

A short set does not tell you everything about someone’s gender identity. People may use one set, multiple sets, or only their name. These choices are part of the wider system of gender pronouns, so ask for a model sentence when you are unsure how a set works.

Inclusive pronouns in English are not a separate grammatical category. This notion characterizes the choice of pronouns that respect a person and do not make unnecessary assumptions. While he and she are gendered pronouns, their use is inclusive when they align with a person’s pronouns.

Gender-inclusive pronouns refer to various respectful ways of referring to a person described above: correctly using the gendered pronouns a person has shared and using gender-neutral pronouns when someone’s gender is unknown or irrelevant. Gender neutral pronouns include singular they and pronoun sets such as ze/zir.

Some writers use inclusive language pronouns as a broad term for all respectful ways of using pronouns. In order to create a base for English grammar, it is necessary to mention the following pronouns in English: subject pronouns (he, she and they), object pronouns (him, her and them) and possessive pronouns (his, hers and theirs).

Inclusive pronouns provide a means of respectful communication without requiring the speaker or writer to make a guess. They are helpful when used for a specific individual, an unknown person, and statements about people in general.

Different forms solve different communication needs. Some replace a person’s name, while others help you address a group without gendered labels.

The singular “they” (and how verbs work with it)

Singular they may refer to a particular individual using the pronouns they/them. It is also used following indefinite pronouns such as someone, anyone or role nouns like the customer where gender information is not available.

The core principle in they/them pronouns grammar is verb agreement: always use constructions like they are, they were and they have, irrespective of whether the pronoun they represents one person.

A noun phrase after are may still be a singular noun phrase: “They are a good developer.” A good developer indicates that it is referring to one person. Singular they is thus among the most versatile third-person pronouns in the English language.

Neopronouns and neutral titles: Ze, zir, Mx. and more

Neopronouns are pronoun sets created or adopted as alternatives to familiar forms such as he, she and they. Examples include ze/zir, xe/xem, ey/em and per/pers. A non-binary person may use one of these sets, but pronouns do not reveal a person’s complete identity.

Possessive and reflexive forms can vary between sets, so use the complete pattern the person provides. Asking for one short example is more reliable than trying to build the forms yourself.

Mx. is related to inclusive language, but it is not a pronoun. It is a gender-neutral title used before a name, like Mr., Ms. or Dr.

Inclusive “we” and “you” (addressing groups)

We, you and everyone are pronouns. Everyone is an indefinite pronoun that can also refer to a group, while folks, team and guests are nouns used as inclusive forms of address. These pronouns and forms of address belong in this section because they help speakers address groups without gendered labels such as ladies and gentlemen or guys.

English requires that we specify both the speaker and the listener; however, sometimes we use the listener, while other times we don’t. Make sure the context clearly shows who we and you include. When only one department is involved, refer to it directly, as in “The design team needs to finish the report.”

Knowing how to use inclusive pronouns starts with three checks:

1. Do you know the person?
2. Have they shared their pronouns?
3. Does the sentence need any reference to gender?

These questions make the choice practical instead of abstract.

Rule 1: When the gender is unknown

Use singular they when you do not know a person’s gender and do not need to know it. This pattern is common with role nouns and indefinite pronouns such as someone or anybody.

Why use inclusive pronouns when the person’s job title is already known? The job title identifies a person’s role, but it does not indicate the person’s gender. Once you know what pronouns a particular person uses, use them.

Rule 2: Master the verb agreement (they are vs. they is)

Even when referring to a single individual, maintain the same forms of the verb that come after they. This is shown in the table below.

The singular meaning comes from the context, not from changing the verb. Keep are, were and have after they, then use a singular description when needed.

Rule 3: Using inclusive language in business and emails

Business English requires neutral language since you do not know the name and pronouns of the reader. In place of the traditional Dear Sir/Madam, choose either a role, team name or a greeting that suits your message: Dear Hiring Manager, Hello Support Team or Good morning.

Pronoun sharing may promote workplace inclusion. Some workers add she/her, he/him, they/them or other pronouns to their email signature, Slack profile, and/or LinkedIn profile. Pronoun sharing is an option and not everyone feels comfortable sharing this information publicly.

At work, you should use the name of the worker together with their pronouns in your messages, introductions, and notes about projects. Wording is more important than explaining why you did so.

Rule 4: Replacing gendered nouns with neutral ones

Pronoun choice is only one part of inclusive English. Neutral job titles and group words keep the focus on a person’s role, not an assumed gender.

Even when the gender of everyone involved is known, this substitution is valuable because it helps maintain neutrality and highlights the importance of what the person or group is doing.

There are two things that make people perceive inclusive pronouns as more difficult than they actually are: the assumption based on how one looks and the attempt to correct the mistake, which turns into an emotional outburst.

Assuming pronouns based on appearance

Clothes, hairstyle, voice and name do not reliably show which pronouns a person uses. For a specific person, use their name until you know their pronouns or ask politely when the situation allows.

The first correction removes an unsupported assumption. The second avoids treating appearance as proof and leaves room for accurate information.

Over-apologizing for mistakes

A pronoun mistake needs a correction, not a long speech about how terrible you feel. Correct the word, give a brief apology when appropriate and return attention to the person or topic.

A short repair shows respect and effort. Repeated explanations can make the other person responsible for comforting you.

Inclusive pronouns help you convey your message clearly without making unnecessary assumptions about the listener. You can use they when referring to an unspecified individual; you should use are, were, and have with they. When you use inclusive pronouns, always use the pronoun set that a particular individual uses.

Accuracy is more important than perfection. Always listen carefully to the other party and ask politely when necessary, and use gender-neutral titles or collective nouns when gender does not matter.